Growing up is hard enough, battling all the identity issues, acceptance, conformity, individuality, self love and self knowledge all separate from family.
I mean that’s when life starts right?
As soon as you leave the house and those that know you best and that you feel the most comfort with aren’t around, but I never had that consistency of comfort, so needless to say I had many identity issues.
I even grew up being ashamed of my blackness and the darkness of my blackness at times. So I used to deflect and make light skinned jokes with my lighter skinned black homies since being extra chocolate was the center of a lot of jokes, but now I have two light skinned bi-racial sons.
So they have to deal with all that plus find their fit within their own family and culture since their black side, aka me, is predominately nonexistent in their lives.
I don’t know if their mothers understand the significance of that internal struggle, I mean its not easy to understand unless you go through and kids don’t know how to voice every struggle.
They find the answers to those feelings later in life as they grow and mature. I can’t talk with both my sons right now, but I speak with my youngest, and I recently started singing that song, “I’m black and I’m proud” with him, because he lives in a predominately white small town, so I try to remind him of how beautiful he his and how different means special.
So it touched me when he said, “daddy,”
I said what,
he said,
“sing that song”
I said what song?
he said,
“I’m black and I’m proud!”
so we sing it together, say it loud,
I’m black and I’m proud,
say it loud!
I’m black and I’m proud,
baby baby baby,
baby baby baby,
oww!
watch me now!
Then I tell him to do his dance at the end, we also sing my fiance Halsey’s song, “without me”
Music not only heals and transcends communication, but gives identity.
I also learned to not call my sons or bi-racial people, mulatto’s.
It comes from the root word, “mule” because back in the day, it was said that black people and white people were a different species, so if they mated, they would be infertile, like a horse mating with a donkey made a mule, which was infertile, so the term mulatto’s came about…
the things you learn just to become a better parent end up also making you a better person.
We don’t only have kids to teach, but we have kids and become taught.
Being dyferent, makes up for all the difference in the world, and embracing your dyference, makes all the difference in the world!
I hope I succeed teaching my sons to be proud of theirs.
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