What is it called when you search and search for something or maybe you’ve ran from it unknowingly but ultimately it was your end goal? The face of your biggest hope, the glow of your highest achievement, never knowing how to reach that feat, because everything you tried was wrong, so you feared the attempt. Somehow you gravitated further and further away while still grabbing at its air, masked as dreams. So what is it called when you finally get there, or at least close? When it becomes a real possibility, no more a wish fantasy or figment of imagination. What is that feeling you feel, that intense ray of light inside you, the invisible puppeteer pulling at the corners of your mouth, that enchanting anticipation when work becomes worth and a win. Though a slight nervous twitch wades the crevices of this hypnotic reverie because you are now aware of having something to lose again, after knowing so intimately what the plummet of loss feels and looks like…those abyss like caverns of emptiness. But who cares, because you are almost there, you can sense it, but patience isn’t lost upon your euphoric state, you know to be mindful and enjoy the process, to sympathize with its ebbs and flows. Is this why capture after pursuit feels so glorious? Is this the prized feeling of delayed vs instant gratification? Why is it that the wait builds the quality of the things we journey for and seek? Is it suspense, a building anticipatory momentum of promised possession worked for along with sacrifices endured? The cliché notion of ‘first times’ take on new meanings when lost times are attached, along with the dynamic contrasts of losing and leaving that love you lost…until ‘this’ feeling. This feeling…beyond all the descriptive reasoning, I understand it now, everything doesn’t have a certain sense to be made, some sense lies outside the paradigm of an explainable accepted norm..so I get it, this feeling garners envy, it’s what we all seek, not always clear-being the phantom we all chase. It’s not just an answer, but an understanding of something greater than self…this feeling is PURPOSE!!!
Six letters-the last two sound refreshingly like a dragged out exhale, ‘ahhhh’ (sigh or yell) either way feels good 😉
Don’t trust me
trust your eyes