She craves genuine people, though she’s scared of the truth
She knows she’s beautiful, but attention is proof
She loves mature men, yet validated by youth
She wears spanks, push-up bras, and dies her hair at the roots
She loves work, but tired of heels and pantsuits
At home she jumps into a sweatshirt, leggings and goes out in Ugg boots
She watches TV, sips wine, while spooning a pint of ice cream
All while daydreaming about the days back when she was 19
Oh what it feels to be young
Mercy
Persevere
..persevere
I formulate it like an idea
I built it up like Ikea
now I’m feelin like a pioneer
I been thru it like riot gear..
Hell yea I had fights here
Hell yea I had fright in here
Hell yea people died in here
Hell yea long nights in here
damn..
I seen dudes burnt alive
I seen dudes stabbed to death
I seen dudes mutilated
something you witness catch your breath
I was called out to the shower, I was koo, it was one on one
I faced it all, I can never run
two more came, I aint hear them come
I hit the ground, saw a blade, and all I thought about was my sons
what I haven’t said to my loved ones
I wont lie here as my blood runs
I went numb
then I went dumb!
survival instincts started hittin home
they won’t stop me from gettin home
I was facin death alone
but I kept swingin til I broke my bones
it got hard to manage breath
adrenaline peaked, no panic left
one man had left
but one hand left..
it can always get worse here
this is hell but there’s church here
I swear reality hurts here
and you’ll never know when it will hit you but you always have to persevere
Trying to keep Hope Alive
I never dared to have faith while in prison,
death is so poetic here
And so is the contradiction of living between walls.
I never thought much when I saw an old candle with a bright flame,
until a few days ago
I spoke with an old man adorning a young spirit.
Charismatic, confident, and motivated
Outwardly overly optimistic
But I looked into his eyes for the first time the other day
As he spoke about the grandeur coming if we were to meet once free
I was took distracted by the way his irises are beginning to grey and yellow at the edges,
Product of 30-40 plus years in prison
His dream, amongst other things, is to become a producer
The paradox of hope inside of hell, he continues to amaze me
but I saw something deeper and more morbid deep in his focus
He played me a slew of beats, to which he has a few hundred created on his keyboard
But I sat there distracted
All I could think about is how thin of a thread he is holding onto
And one last rejection of freedom may cost him his most important beat of all
His heartbeat
Trying to keep hope alive
Changed for the worse
Prison helps you fall quicker than rise…
Normalcy becomes chaos
Impassivity becomes rage.
He now dances in the misery of rain
He thrives in the torturous contortions that fuel his agony
Amused by tears now..
As if they are of another world he once knew
He reaches out to touch one and then quickly snaps out of his reverie!
No place for compassion within the midst of a riot
He sleeps soundly in the welcoming arms of calamity
He has stands stoic
He loves the adrenaline rush-ion roulette of self inflicted wounds
Time refined his masochism, anything to feel again
He stands numb
He plots the casualty of kinship
Prefering to dine alonecat his table of destruction
His misery prefers no company
Solitary madness, he drinks down tragedy until drunken
He sharpens the teeth of pain
Because its all he knows, because love doesn’t live here
To live, he had to adapt..he just got lost even sooner
Deep inside this Sado-masochistic sanctuary
He, like so many more, changed for the worse in prison
Hard Times
Stuck in this prison
Tunnelin vision
Never stumble, stomach rumbles, and stomachin tension
Drama comes I’m unencumbered
No comforters, no comfortable livin
Survived disgruntled mumbles of Russell
His struggles and troubles consistent
The sun doesn’t visit
My sons don’t visit
No one comes to visit
Came undone for a minute
But I’ll be done in a minute, I’ll be done in a minute..
Still I Laugh
I will never forget the reason I laughed until I cried
The laughs that turned to tears
I can never forget the story of each dried tear
I can never forget the feeling of the nights I cried alone
Because, still I laugh..
Still I laugh